For women 6 min read
Dating a Younger Man
Dating a younger man works best when you both want the same thing and say so early. Expect more energy and fewer fixed habits, expect some raised eyebrows, and talk openly about life stage, children and money. Judge him by how he treats you, and never send money to a man you have not met.
By the Local Cougars team
In short
- Say early what you want, casual or long term, and ask him the same.
- He may be at a different life stage; talk about it openly.
- Roughly a quarter of brides in England and Wales in 2019 were older than their husbands.
- Agree what feels fair on money; never send money to a man you have not met.
- On a cougar site every man is there to meet older women.
Why so many women prefer younger men
Women on Local Cougars tell us the same things. Younger men tend to have more energy, more curiosity and fewer fixed ideas about how a woman should behave. Many are attracted precisely to the things men their own age sometimes find intimidating: success, independence, a woman who knows her own mind. And plenty of women in their forties have simply noticed that they are having more fun than ever and would like a partner who keeps up.
What to expect
He may be at a different stage of life. A man of 28 might still be building his career, renting rather than owning, and thinking about whether he wants children one day. None of that is a problem if you are both honest about it. Some women want a fling with a younger man and nothing more; some want a partner for the long haul. Say which on your profile, and ask him the same question early. Most of the heartache in age-gap dating comes from two people assuming they want the same thing.
Friends, family and raised eyebrows
Older woman, younger man couples are more common than people assume. Office for National Statistics figures show that in roughly a quarter of 2019's marriages in England and Wales the bride was the older one, though gaps of ten years or more are rarer. Even so, you may get comments. The best answer is usually a relaxed one. You do not owe anyone an explanation, and most people stop noticing once they see you are happy.
Can it last?
It can. Economists Wang-Sheng Lee and Terra McKinnish followed thousands of Australian couples and, in a 2018 paper, reported that wives with younger husbands began their marriages especially happy, while couples with large age gaps in either direction saw that advantage fade over the years. That is not a reason to avoid it. It is a reminder that what keeps any relationship going is the same: shared plans, honesty and both people still choosing each other.
Money and who pays
You may earn more than him, and that is fine. Decide together what feels fair, whether that is splitting dates, taking turns or treating each other. What is not fine is a man you have met online asking you for money, for a loan, a fare to visit you, a bill or an emergency. That is the oldest scam aimed at women dating younger men, and it is a scam every time, however charming he is. Keep the chat on the site until you meet, ask for a video call, and report anyone who asks. Our safety page lists the signs.
Where to find him
A cougar dating site saves you the guesswork. On Local Cougars, three quarters of our men are under 35 and every one of them joined to meet older women. Set the age range you want, and your daily matches will follow it. Our toyboy dating page is written for women who want to start today.
Questions people ask
Is it OK to date a younger man?
Of course. Couples where the woman is older are common, and what matters is whether you both want the same thing.
How much younger is too young?
There is no rule beyond the law: everyone on Local Cougars is 18 or over. Think about whether your lives and plans fit.
Do relationships with younger men last?
They can. Research suggests women with younger husbands start out particularly satisfied; like any couple, it lasts if you keep choosing each other.
What if he asks me for money?
Do not send it, stop replying and report the profile. Asking for money is the clearest sign of a scam.